I need you to do a thorough revision of the essay. The text is attached with the commentary from the professor. You are also given a peer review to incorporate into the revision. The final draft should be within 5 – 6 pages long, to show an expansion from the previous work. Please, there’s no need to create an extra space between each paragraph. I also need the worksheet filled out, with all the appropriate information. Make sure that you address all comments made, please.
The writer is try to grab the readers attention he almost did it he needs to work more in the introduction. the writer didn’t provide enough information, there is no history of the place. the writers thesis is short and dose not have the right amount of words that will make the reader not understand his point of view. the writer did a great job in descriping the place and the research process. the writer has been using primary and secondary sources and that help in his ethnographic study. more about the Costumers is a good part to add. there is to much space between the paragraphs. the author should put more emotions. the body paragraph could use some personal emotions. the writer talk a lot about the place and how it is relevant and meaning full to him so yes I think he dose remind the reader of the purpose of the analysis. I suggest to him sam up everything for the conclusion. the vocabulary needs to be revised. the writer was not able to avoid the second persone. I like the best in this essay is the place he chose and the area he should revise is the conclusion.
This is the peer review